July 19th 2012

Lord, I miss my boys. My precious sons, Caleb and Ian. I remember holding them and the tears that I weeper over them. I wish I could see and hold them right now. I understand in part why you took them away but not fully do I understand. I trust you lord. Lord, I have not asked in years because I thought adoption was the avenue of children for Andrea and I, but the desire for more biological sons is still strong. Will you grant me more sons. Will you heal my infertility and give Andrea and i more sons through natural means. Lord I want to see your signs and wonders. Lord i long to see conception not through doctors or medicine but by your hand. You are lord over the barren womb. In proverbs you say the barren womb is never satisfied. I ask for more lord. Give me more sons. Show your power and bring new life. Lord I also pray that you will crush my pride and ego. Destroy my critical spirit and haughty attitude. Help me to love, be a man of compassion and patience. Teach me how be gentle and loving with those who are different with me or irritate me. Help me not consider myself better than anyone else but in all things to be humble and prefer everyone more than myself. The more I get closer to you lord, the more I see the junk in my heart. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. It is sometimes painful but you are purging me and maturing me. I am your broken contrite vessel. Do as you want lord, make me more like you. Lord, others see my big heart, but all I see is the junk, the weakness and my shortcomings. Show me what you see. Tell me what you feel. I am dark, but show me that you see me as lovely. Give me grace to fast today. In my weakness of flesh, will you break through. I love you.